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Showing posts from May, 2024

I am Scared.

 It was the start of 2023. Everything was much better than the last 2 years. I felt like I could breathe. I got rid of the pest. The sun is shining. The sky was pretty. It was the start of 2023. Everything was going well. And suddenly I was afraid of death. I thought about my family. It was the mid part of 2023. Everything was going well. The pest came back, but I got rid of it pretty fast. I was accepted into a university.  I never thought it was going to happen. I was still afraid of death. I still thought about my family. It was the end of 2023. Everything was going alright. The pest came once. I got rid of it once again, although scared. I was still afraid of death. I still thought about my family. It was the start of 2024. I fell sick. My fear of death is getting more and more real. I still thought about my family. It is the mid part of 2024. I got better. I still think of death. I am scared. I am scared. I am scared. It's an emotion I can't get rid of. I am scared. I am ...

Halo, Walas

 Halo, Wali Asrama saya semasa SMA. Baru-baru ini, saya menyadari bahwa saya sudah melupakan banyak hal yang terjadi semasa SMA. Nama bangunan, nama orang, kejadian-kejadian. Saya juga sudah melupakan wajah Ibu. Kata teman saya, saya mestinya tidak melupakan wajah Ibu karena Ibu selalu hadir semasa apel pagi. Namun, sebelum teman saya mengatakan itu, saya sudah lupa kalau kita melaksanakan apel pagi setiap hari sekolah. Ibu, saya tidak pernah merindukan tempat itu. Tidak seperti kata Ibu, bahkan setelah lulus pun saya masih merasa tempat itu sebagai bagian terburuk dalam hidup saya. Bahkan setelah ingatan saya menghapus sebagian besar kenangan tentang tempat itu. Saya menyesal tidak pernah pergi. Kata teman saya yang lain, mungkin karena saya tidak menghabiskan banyak waktu di tempat itu maka saya cepat melupakannya. Saya menghabiskan 6 tahun di SD dan 2,5 tahun di SMP, sementara hanya 1,5 tahun di SMA. Namun ketika saya bertemu dengan wajah-wajah teman-teman SD dan SMP saya hanya ...