Procrastinating

 Hello everyone. Welcome back with me who doesn’t know what to write. But I told myself that I had to write something. So I ended up sitting in front of my laptop, trying to cram up some words after two hours just lazing around like a lazy cat.

However, I also have some other things to do like that one analytic notes I still haven’t get despite already went through 4 meetings and next week there is a quiz, a geology notes I haven’t check again despite having the second meeting tomorrow, a project task I should have checked since 4 hours ago because my other friends were already going and discuss it and tomorrow is a presentation… Tbh, I haven’t even checked the miro they sent.

Some of you all might be calling me an irresponsible student/person/friend, and I wouldn’t say that you guys were wrong! I really am. I procrastinate at doing even things I told myself I am going to do for myself, I neglected the motorcycle with empty tank in front of my boarding house because it keeps raining and I just can’t find bensin eceran on the way home (I just asked an ojek online and he said it’s on the OPPOSITE side than where my boarding house is, which is sucks). Either way, I am irresponsible even for things that should have been for myself.

Even my dinner is left uneaten for hours despite I already cooked the rice since three hours ago, already put the food in my tupperware, and the protein is already sat inside. But, I still haven’t eaten yet despite my tummy already rumbling for a while now.

The fact that I am writing this right now instead of doing all-the-things-I-need-to-do is… not procrastination, frankly? I do this because I feel like… unless I write a paragraph or a page of… something, I would end up not doing anything at all. Because I have spent like, 2 hours doom scrolling while thinking (and only thinking) about the things I have to do.

I promised myself that I am going to write 750 words a day. And it was more because I feel the need to use the writing engine I have (which is my brain) than actually want to be productive. The reason was, I associate being unable to write to depression. Which is weird because I wrote a lot when I was sad during highschool? But there again, I had only been able to write those sad proses during high school because I was recovering from even deeper sadness that paralyzed me from the act of writing.

Ah! I am trailing off. Let’s go back to what we were talking about… what were we talking about?

Oh. Okay.

So, 750 words a day. It should have been easy for me. I once wrote 2000 words a day… during holiday, where I have nothing else to do but writing in front of my laptop? Haha. But yeah, I cut off the wordcount to more than a half of that because, realistically speaking, I can’t do that with college assignments and exams and quizzes (also, I have a quiz on Friday. So, ha. Suck to be me). But 750 words is only 3 pages! I should… be able to do that… hahaha (I am already stuck. I don’t know what else to say).

However! It’s been a while since I complained about my life haha. Holiday made me forget that life is tiring. And I have responsibilities to tackle.

…Have you ever wondered how it feels like being an adult with no holiday but the national holidays? Doing things you don’t even like?

I once thought about it and I thought, oh man, I don’t want to grow up… It sounds terrible! What do you mean I should live like that for the rest of my life? Or maybe until pension, idk. It’s still terrible either way.

Like, how would it feel like to do something that you don’t even like? I like writing, but I will be honest with you, I groaned as I dragged myself to the desk to type this, trying to hit the word count, because I AM TOO LAZY.

Actually, have you ever wondered about why responsibility exists? I mean, I think every living being have responsibility over themselves, and maybe their children for some creatures, but don’t you think humans made up a lot of them for some reason??? Like, no creature wake up one day and decide “Oh yeah! I will make myself responsible for the continuation of this event!” NO. It was just human. WHY??? I will let you sit with that thought.

Anyway, I have hit the 750-words mark, so I will set off. Bye bye. Have a nice day.