Dear Future Lover,

 Dear future lover,

I don’t know if my future has a ‘you’ in it, but if it has, may I ask why?

Do you enjoy it when I treat you coldly? My own brother told me I am a cold person, feelingless, no warmth, and really bad at words of affirmation.

Do you enjoy it when I dismiss your lovely gesture? I know for a fact that I am really bad at reading social cues, and even if you said it clearly to me, I might shut down and not reply accordingly.

Dear future lover,

Is there a place we have gone to yet?

Have I told you I hate scouts and camping? If I haven’t, maybe it’s a surprise to you. Please don’t give me anything scout related, I might burn it when you don’t see. Sorry, I am this selfish person who could not tolerate scouts. Disappointing? Maybe you should run now.

Have I brought you to a date to a museum, a graveyard, or a palace? Have I asked you to watch a historical movie with you yet? Have I ignored you the entire time I was indulged in those things? Are you disappointed yet? Maybe you should run now.

But maybe when I finally told you all those things, when I finally let myself enjoy things I enjoy around you, maybe I have become comfortable enough around you to let my guard down.

Dear future lover,

How many times have I broken your heart? Is it when I unreciprocated your loving gesture, when I act cold, when I could not sympathize with your situation, when I ignored you, when…

Maybe you should run.

I don’t know at what point I will find you, but if it was the same me writing this right now, you definitely should run. As I could not give your love back. I could not love properly. It will be as exhausting for me as it is for you.

Dear future lover,

Thank you for being a part of my life.

Now, run.

Or stay, if you actually like my cold company.

Or stay, if I actually have become comfortable enough around you that I talked a lot about what happened in my life.

Maybe at that point I wouldn’t be as cold as I thought anymore.

Maybe at that point what you like was not my cold company, but the warmth I emit when I become comfortable.

Dear future lover,

I hope your stay was cherished.