She found herself waiting for the full moon to appear every month. Unconsciously counting down the date in the back of her mind, looking at the window and getting a little bit disappointed by the fact that it's still a crescent moon.
She found herself smiling during the day when she realized that the night would be rising with the full moon. And someone will come to her balcony.
She found it strange, and weird. And weirdly enough, she doesn't question herself when she does. It is simply because she found the company to be comforting, and warm.
She likes to hear smiles slipping through his voice when he finally gets into the balcony. And she knows he is as happy as her to spend the night with each other's company, a casual conversation, and some tea and cookies to accompany.
She never knows how he sees the world through the mask he wears. But if those superheroes could wear a mask and save the world, why should he can't see the surroundings?
Somehow she really wants to put trust in him. And she shows it through the way she never called the securities to capture him. She enjoys the company. There's no need to call them. Especially when she knows he meant no harm.
She however, observed him thoroughly. The way he acts, the way he sits, the way he speaks... she realizes there is no intentional means he does it the way he does to make her trust him. But she indeed trusts the man.
She wants to trust him.
She is curious how the face behind the mask looks. How does his smile curve on his face? What expression did he make every time she opened the windows? What expression would his face make when he was disappointed she no longer hated a certain flavour of an ice cream because he keeps bringing it to tease her.
She wants to see it. She wants to know.
But she doesn't need to just as a reason to trust him.
Because even with the mask between them, she trusts him more than those she could see the face of.
And trusting means she is ready for disappointment and betrayal.
She told herself one day.
And she is.
She will not be okay if that day ever comes. But she is preparing herself for that.
But that day never comes.
Instead, the day where he decided to resign to protect her was the one that's coming. And she feels more devastated than she thought she would be.
It feels worse than betrayal. It feels worse than disappointment. It feels worse than any of those horrible-flavored ice cream he ever brought her.
It made her fall silent. Wondering. Questioning.
And a little bit of desperate hope for fate to bring them together again.
The full moon was something she has always been excited about. But when realization hits her, the light just makes her sad. Melancholy in the air.
She has so many questions she answers by herself. And every single one hurts.
It hurts her even more when she knows that he always puts so much thought around his every move. And he puts even more trust in her than she ever does to him.
It hurts when the one separating them was not betrayal nor disappointment but affection and care.
It hurts because she knows she couldn't let this one go as easily as how she let go of betrayals.
It hurts because she is still unconsciously counting dates and waiting for a full moon. It hurts when she closes the book she read and thought he would like it too but she realized there is no way she could tell him about it. It hurts when she starts to think about disgusting-tasted ice cream she would see on the streets, amused by the thoughts of the probability he would bring them to her on the next visit.
It hurt when she thought she would hear the knock on the window's glasses when it hit 12 o'clock in the morning. And a little chuckle and impromptu comments from the mouth she never sees moving.
It hurts when she knows how much pain is going on on his side but she is helpless to help him. Nor does she could wipe those tears. Nor does she could say words of comfort. (Not that she is good at them but she wants to help).
It hurts. Everything hurts. Every memory hurts.
But it's not like she is going to bury them anyway.
Even though keeping them on the surface makes the pain even more painful.
Comments
Post a Comment